did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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