my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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