I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
