i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
