I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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