did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
