I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
