if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I enjoy the company of your penis
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
