these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
