He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Randomize
