is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
