she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
