Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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