I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
