Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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