Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
This is the high leading the old right now
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
