forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I touched a dick in church today
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
