So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
