is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
what is it with giant penises always finding me
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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