is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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