Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
