Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I don't deserve a penis
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
