yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
