I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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