Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
