I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
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