Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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