I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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