Redeem this text for a blowjob
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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