I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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