Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
There r osticjed everywhere
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
