Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
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