You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
