best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
