I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
That's when you crack a 10am beer
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
