i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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