i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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