This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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