if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
