Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
