i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
