if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
