hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I wear drunk well.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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