I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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