no, he came in my armpit
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
