47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
