I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
smell my finger.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
