We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
