I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
