There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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