so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
