I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
